Waves

My mind tries to understand things it shouldn't.
Quantum Mechanics, for example. String theory. Parallel Universes.
While other girls puzzle over which pair of boots to wear with the designer jeans they found on sale last week, my mind attempts to wrap itself around quarks. To verbalize such musings always leads to the inevitable: a dull ache in the conversation, louder than the words spilling out of my mouth and landing on ears unwilling, or possibly unable, to find interest in their meaning.
And so I listen to other sentences, strung together, giggled, whispered. "boys". "fashion". Even "politics". I feign interest so you do not feel as I do when my ideas fly over their head and form a cloud of obvious boredom around their perfectly made-up faces. My mind wanders to the way in which the color of her blush is merely a perception of light waves interacting at the molecular level. And how the perfect brownish tan she has from head to toe is a mask to hide probable cell mutations caused by unprotected exposure to uv radiation. And for a mere second I dare to peak into the closet of my insecurities, and ponder upon the pasty whiteness of my own epidermis. I dare not verbalize for fear of social shunning. I hang on by a thread of girly fascade as it is.
And then there are things I do not understand and never will.
Emotions for one. Logic evades all attempted battles I have held with the puzzle of human emotion. I find it strange that others let emotions rule their lives. How they build a throne and place a sceptor in her un-capable webbed hands. And then blame others when life doesn't meet their expectations. Maybe emotion is not so much a chosen ruler, an annointed one, place upon the throne, as an evil dictator, allowed to invade and take up residence in our halls.
Do emotions allow us to handle the enigmas of life? Or is it possible that emotions roadblock the solution that would allow us to cut through the fog and continue living. Can and should the dictator be dethroned? And what an epic battle that would be...
Words come slower than thoughts and fingers type faster than ideas.
I love to observe humanity and revel in its absurdity. Someday I will write on that. I will also write about quantum mechanics, and not just my fascination with the concept. But that will probably bore you. Someday I will tell you who I am, or at least the events that have helped create my persona.
I will attempt to narrate the tightrope I walk in this society. I never expect to fit in but someday I may contribute.